When it comes to oral sex, every woman is different-and every time is different. While the very best advice, as always, is to ask for directions from your partner before (and during!), we asked the experts for some tips that may not occur to either of you… and can lead to some to some exceptionally happy times.
1. Don't start off with the obvious.
Many of us experience what's called “responsive desire,” which is a fancy way of saying that we need to be turned on before we can or want to play. “Do not go for her clitoris right away,” says sex expert and Touchpoint founder Jared Matthew Weiss.
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It's better to build up to that. “Tease her around her vagina and her inner thighs with light licks and gentle tickles. Then, softly graze her clitoris with the tip of your tongue and pull back” Weiss says. If you skip this step, you risk overstimulating her to the point where she won't be able to orgasm-and could possibly even experience some pain.
2. Tell her to pull your hair when it feels good.
Many of us don't enjoy vocalizing what we want or when something feels great. “Give her a way to signal that she wants more of something by telling her to tug on your hair when it feels good,” Weiss says.
3. Make a point of telling her how great she tastes.
Because our culture is so awful to women in so many ways, a lot of women have been lead to feel insecure about the taste, smell, and shape of their vaginas. “Explicitly saying you love and appreciate those things about them can make a big difference in their ability to settle into the experience.”
4. Think of it as a slow make-out session.
Sure, we imagine fast and hard as the pinnacle of porn scenes, but it's not always the best way to give her the most pleasure (or at least not for most of it). “A lot of women like it if you take your time-make out with her instead of tongue-punching her,” says adult star Daizha Morgann. “Also be vocal yourself; imagine the roles are reversed, make noises, and tell her how much you love it.” It's way more enjoyable for your partner when she knows you're getting turned on by pleasuring her.
5. Use your hands (and not in the way you think).
Use your hand to apply gentle pressure on her pubic bone-this can feel freaking amazing.
You can also incorporate a finger or two and stimulate her G-spot or “clitoral cluster,” which tends to be located about two inches in and at the top of her vagina-but wait a long while before going near the vagina itself (stick with the clit and vulva until she's really, really ready).
“Using your fingers isn't only a mechanism for stimulating her and giving pleasure, it's also a solid way to know if and when she's going to orgasm,” Weiss says. “When she's beginning her climb, the walls of her vagina will become engorged, and you'll feel her vagina begin to contract and tighten.”
6. Indirect contact can be even better.
For many women, clit stimulation is their favorite way to get pleasured-but less can be way more. For instance, try stimulating her through the hood, rather than diving straight onto the clitoris itself.
“You've heard of doing the ABCs or other tricks, but a simple circular motion will do,” says Jillian Janson, award-winning adult performer. “Flicking back and forth happens to be one of my go-to moves, then continuously going back and forth in a sucking pattern.”
Sometimes going rougher doesn't make things more intense but has a reverse reaction. “The rougher you get, the harder it is to cum, because our bodies react in a way that backs off, and we have to 'reset,' which makes it harder to focus,” Janson says. The takeaway: Make it nice and wet, and find ways to switch things up-but not right when she's about to orgasm.
7. Listen to more than her words.
Learn to pay attention to her twitches, noises, and other signals. “If she likes what you're doing, her noises and movements will let you know,” Morgann says.
8. Keep at it (and keep it varied).
Just because a girl has an orgasm doesn't mean it's time to stop. “Many women are more in tune with their orgasms these days,” says Ember Snow, an adult performer and cam star. “You can make a girl cum any number of times; you just have to be patient.”
To get there, the experts say, create that feeling that she doesn't necessarily know what will happen next. “So slide a finger slowly inside, and maybe pinch the lips tight together and lick the clit up and down,” Janson says.
Aly Walansky is a New York-based lifestyle writer. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @alywalansky.